Let's Try This Again-Inspiration

Third time's a charm, right? My memory fails me so much, I forget about my little ol' blog constantly! Though, I feel part of my problem is a complete lack of inspiration. I have no inspiration in my life, I have no inspiration to write anything useful.

But I should have inspiration! I live five minutes from the beautiful (but cold!) West Coast, Southern California beach. I am directly off infamous Highway 1, and mere minutes from Malibu and Santa Monica. I also have three beautiful children, and an expensive camera, a new flash and diffuser, and a pretty decent amount of skill to use it all properly. Yet I never do. Why? I don't know. I keep asking myself that and I can't seem to come up with an answer or an excuse. I need to tell myself, no more excuses. Break that camera out, pop the cherry on that flash, and have some fun!

My middle child, Amelia, is turning 5 soon. Just a few short days. And her party is this weekend. That should be enough inspiration for everything. I have a lot of baking to do and decorating and I like to do a little photo shoot of the birthday girl...I should be able to keep an active blog for...at least a week, right?!

It's Been Awhile

Wow. I completely forgot this thing even existed! Well, it's a new year, okay, maybe more than just one new year since I last posted! But that doesn't mean I can't start up again. Maybe it'll give me the motivation to take more pictures, bake more things, or something, I don't know.

For now, let's start off the first post of the year with a little Mommy Bragging Rights.

Today my oldest, Elijah, had a local taekwondo tournament. He's been going for almost a year and is a green belt. This is his fourth tournament he's competed in. He has brought in at least 3rd place every time. This tournament was the first he got 1st in! And not just in one category. He placed 1st in Forms and Weapons and 2nd in Sparring.


He did wonderful with his form so it was no surprise he got first. I make him practice a lot, especially when tournaments and testing is coming up and it's wonderful to see it pay off:) In Weapons the first time around everyone ended up with the same score so they had to do it again. While the kid who I thought did best the first time was slower the second time around, Elijah knew it was time to raise the bar and it brought him to first place! In sparring he was so close to first! But the other boy has some crazy quick kicks and Elijah got a few hits on him but in the end he lost top title. Still, 2 out of 3 is amazing. I'm extremely proud of him. February 4th is another tournament that is a few hours away in Ontario, CA. We can't wait!

Halloween Spirit!

Disclaimer: Halloween has had many different meanings since its Pagan beginnings. I’m not talking about that, I’m talking about now, as it stands in our current and modern world.

A lot of people say that Halloween is for the kids. A lot of parents don’t even dress up. They bundle up nice and warm, stick their hands in their pockets and slowly walk down street after street while their kids run door to door. How boring! How sad! HALLOWEEN IS FUN! I think those that feel that it’s for kids don’t really get what Halloween is all about. What it CAN be about. Think of it like…Disneyland. Wha? Yes, Disneyland. Disneyland has all these rides and some of them are pretty cool but it’s all about the young….and the young at heart. Unless you can pull out your inner child, Disneyland is probably pretty boring. I know they are just women in costumes, but I loved taking my daughter up to Cinderella and Ariel and talking to them for her like they are the actual princesses. I got excited every time I saw a large character walking by. Same thing goes for Halloween, you can have fun! It can be exciting!

I see plenty of young people who still dress up, but the parents out every Halloween night don’t dress up, at most they put on a witches hat. Why is that? I have always dressed up. I’ve never even been to a Halloween Party before (and I REALLY want to!) but I always dress up, even if I’m just handing out candy, I dressed up. And now that I’m guaranteed to go outside every year, heck yea I dress up! Now, I can understand that sometimes money can be an issue; the parents spend so much money on their kid’s outfits they don’t want to spend another $60+ for their own costume! That’s why my husband and I, one year when we had a little extra to spare, went to a Halloween store and bought ourselves nice but not too expensive costumes. Something simple but cool that we could wear each year if for some reason we couldn’t afford or have time for another costume. We change it up a little and I’d like to get another costume to change it out and around a little more but we always have a costume. I will always dress up and take my kids trick or treating, and when they are too old/cool to go with me, I’ll dress up and hand candy out and embarrass the hell out of them in front of their friends. Or maybe I’ll find or host a Halloween party instead!

But, I really have to wonder…why do so many people lose their Halloween spirit? Did they ever have it? Even my husband said “it’s for the kids” And I’m really starting to think he only dresses up because I pretty much make him dress up. I know as a kid he was all about it…what happened? Why do older people get boring? Heck, we’re not old! He’s only 26! Why are so many parents acting like this? Don’t they understand what Halloween can really be all about? Are you wondering what it I think it’s all about, at least in my humble opinion?

Halloween is the one day a year you can be anything you want to be. You can take that however you’d like. You can dress up in something funny, crazy, and maybe a little bit offensive and it’s perfectly acceptable. You can dress up as your favorite TV/movie/cartoon character. Or as your hero. You can make an abstract costume and dress up like a saying. You can make no sense and dress up as a table, a tv, a lamp, anything at all. It’s the one day a year an adult could dress up like a fairy princess and it’s okay! Male or female! You can be scary or funny or sexy, you can be ANYTHING. How can you not like that?! How could you not take advantage of that?!

So, come on boring people/parents of Halloween. Look in your closet, get creative, and throw together a Halloween costume! Last year I managed to take every day clothes and accessories and make my husband and I’s costume in about 10 minutes on Halloween. I was a dead chick and he was the zombie that killed me. A little creative make up, dirt, red food coloring, and a razor blade and BAM, insta-costume!

Negative Nelly

I am my own worst enemy. My negative voice will sound out above reason and anything that anyone else tells me. I can't even handle criticism well, productive or not, because it's like a verbal acknowledgement of my failures and incapablities to accomplish anything. In my eyes, I suck. If I don't like me, why would anyone else?

Heck, I thought about making a blog for...well, at least a year, if not more, before finally saying, screw it all, I'll do it anyway, and I'll make it look pretty and add pretty pictures.

And I can be like this one blog I saw that inspired me to finally make one of my own and I thought, I can write deep and/or funny things and post pictures and everyone will love it and hang off my every word and it'll be really cool and awesome and it'll bring some meaning into my life! And because this didn't happen IMMEDIATELY, I'm already thinking, wtf was I thinking? No one cares about what I have to say, and I can be pretty damn witty....while around my husband and maybe one other person, but I get to this page and my mind draws a blank. My humor disappears in a puff of negative energy and I'm left with nothing. I must be boring. But then I see that blog is written by a person with ADHD and it makes sense, and unfortunately, I'm no where near as happy and hyper and cool as them, with or without them having an actual disorder.

Anyway...where was I going with this?

Oh yea, I stop before I start. I've pretty much done this with everything in my life. I've had countless journals, never actually followed through with them, then I got a Livejournal and holy cow I've had that thing for nearly 8 years! I think about giving up on it from time to time but it's the only "project" I haven't rapidly abandoned. So I have trouble seeing this blog having a long shelf life. I've been trying to think of ways to make it cool and interesting and I was thinking COOKIES! I LOVE COOKIES! I could experiment with different kinds of cookies and post about it here and post pictures and it'll be cool and everyone will love it! ....

Not original, it's been done before...

I'll never have the energy or time...

I won't come up with anything good...

The price of ingredients will slowly eat me alive...

Yea, it was a stupid idea anyway. What was I thinking?

Maybe this is why I don't have a career. I wanted to be a doctor...then a zoologist, an interior designer, a baker, a photographer, sell real estate....

For every idea I had in my life for my life I found every reason not to do it, not to try or to give up trying. I absolutely do not believe in myself. I could probably blame this on a combination of my mom, my grandma and my so called friends growing up. Everyone in my childhood conspiring to turn me into an adult who feels worthless because I was never given a reason to believe I was worth something. I didn't talk or hold conversations, I rambled. Hey, don't listen to her, she's just rambling, shut up, you're interrupting my TV shows. I honestly stopped talking for a good part of my childhood. Not completely, but I rarely said anything. And feel like my voice suffered from it. It's not very strong, but I'm veering off track. The point is, by the time I was 12 I had lost all self confidence. I was nothing but a bother and annoyance to my family, and I had no friends in school, and even the people I hung out with would leave me like I wasn't even there when someone more important and cool showed up. And with no one telling me anything GOOD about me, I grew up believing all the bad. My family didn't just not compliment me or build up my self esteem as a child, but they would dash down my dreams. You can't be a ballerina, you're too big, the boys wouldn't be able to pick you up. (mind you, I was NOT a fat child, I was perfectly average, always solid, but certainly never ever fat) And they would half ass any interest I showed. I was given tap shoes when I was interested in tap since I was obviously too obese for ballet...but that's all I was given. Tap shoes that were too big for me. No guidance, music, lessons, anything. And then it was my fault for not pursuing it. PS, I was maybe 6 years old. I wasn't a genius, I had no raw talent for anything, and getting a pair of shoes didn't turn me into the next Ginger Roberts so obviously I was no good. It's like my whole life set me up to be a quitter.

I'm stubborn as hell, but when the going gets tough, I cry and throw a tantrum and give up in a very melodramatic sort of way.

I had no idea what to do with my life, college was depressing. I had no support and no direction. I didn't know what to do, and I didn't even know who or how to turn to the people that were supposed to help me through it. I was so miserable, I wanted out. And through a series of events, I stopped going. Getting your car stolen is a good way to miss a couple weeks of classes, by then I just said Fckitall and never went back. Not that it mattered, parenthood was dropped in my lap and in a hectic series of events I ended up moving back home with my mom who liked to remind me every chance she could that I had screwed up my life, and how stupid I was for that. She refused to pay for my college education and the only job I had managed to find had me working a whole 6 hours A WEEK, in two shifts. Not exactly enough to stay in school in Los Angeles, huh? So Jobless, Carless, Moneyless....I became a parent, and struggled my way to where I am now. I have been homeless thousands of miles from home, I have lived in conditions that no living thing should have to live in, and I did it all with my infant son. And look at me now. I have come so far....yet I feel I am right back where I started, directionless.

The only thing I know for sure is that I want to be a good mother. I want to give my children everything I was deprived of, I want them to grow up strong and intelligent and KNOW that they are strong and intelligent so nothing can stop them. They are my driving force, they are my everything. I know there are those who look down on stay at home moms, and I have felt the shame of meeting old high school classmates and only having my kids to show off, no fancy house or car or job, what have I been doing with these past 8 years? Having kids, changing diapers, breastfeeding, cleaning up snot. Oh, you bought a house and had a big wedding....*ENVY*....cool. But, for the most part, I don't care. For once in my life I am slowly, hopefully accomplishing the goal I set for myself over 7 years ago when I found out I was pregnant.

I still wish I could figure out what else I want to do with my life, what will make me feel accomplished and give me a sense of self worth, but I'm a Negative Nelly and I can't get past that feeling that whatever I could offer the world, the world ain't buyin'.

Your Reproduction is Everybody's Business

When you’re dating you get asked “When are you guys getting married?”
So you get married…
As soon as you’re married people start asking you, “When are you guys having kids?”
If you decide to stay childless you will forever be asked this question, or asked WHY you aren't having kids, as we all know everyone who doesn't have kids lives a meaningless existance....but, let's say...
You have a baby…
Soon after your first baby, people are asking you when you’re going to have another baby…
If you have a boy, they expect you to go for that girl, if you have a girl, they expect you to be going after that boy. Regardless of the gender of the child you currently have, it’s the other gender that is somehow more desirable and your life will not be fulfilled until you have one of each. Like life’s greatest collectibles, “gotta collect them all!”
Let’s say you have your second child and it’s the same gender as your first…
“Are you going to have a third and try for that other gender?”
Let’s say you have one of each…
“Are you going to have anymore?” (as in, you have one of each, why would you ever want more children? Your collection is complete)
Now let’s say you have a third child…if you have all one gender, people will always wonder if you’re going after that elusive other gender, or if you’ve given up. Okay, they may not state it like that, but that’s how it’s implied. If you already have one of each and you have a third…
“Why did you have a third? You already have one of each!” This is more verbatim, I have been asked this before.
Regardless of what the genders of your kids are, after three you are pretty much expected to be done. It’s not so much a question of if you want more, it’s more of a statement that you must be done. And while I haven’t experienced it first hand, I’m pretty sure once you cross that line and have 4+ you start getting the question “Are they all yours?”

Will we have a fourth? Well, my mother certainly believes I am done and have enough. I like that she has decided my ideal family size for me. But I’m not sure I’m done. And despite what my husband might say to his friends, he’s not entirely sure he is either. But if we do, it’ll be several years from now. I guess that gives me enough time to come up with witty remarks to that last question.

"I Just Vacuumed!"

It’s all in how you look at every day messes. With three kids, a cat, and a husband, my house requires daily vacuuming. My OCD allows me to accomplish this task just about every day…sometimes multiple times a day. However, with kids, you have to learn to let certain things slide. I have finally learned to accept that my house will not be perfect, and if I somehow accomplish this seemingly unattainable goal, it won’t last long. And to keep my sanity, I’ve learned to laugh at circumstances that might normally cause me to break down and cry (like walking into the hallway to find our blanket in a crumpled heap topped with a pound of baby powder).

Case in point; the messes that Amelia can cause in a short amount of time when one of us lets our guard down for a single minute. This minute, this time, would be John’s doing. He got into the cupboard and did not zip tie the child lock back into place allowing Amelia to gain access to every snack and boxed food available. She picked a certain chocolaty cereal. “Well, at least she’s eating!” I say to myself. Unfortunately, Amelia is no longer my only Destroyer now. Esme grabbed the box, turned it upside down, and chewed on the bottom. Little brown balls spilled out around her. I grabbed the box and put it up out of reach and began the task of cleaning up. Esme began the task of half eating several little chocolate puffs before spitting them back out leaving wonderful little brown spots all over my carpet. As I picked these up I thought, sarcastically, “Good thing I just vacuumed!” And then I thought….it IS a good thing I just vacuumed! There is nothing offensive or foreign on my carpet. My Dyson’s sucking power has made sure there isn’t as much as a stray carpet fiber to stick to anything it shouldn’t. I was able to push the puffs into a nice little pile (that Esme quickly sat on) and stick them back into the cereal box without guilt.

No harm, no foul, and no wasted food/money. :D

Barbie Has Plot Holes

I need a back story to accompany this post/rant…

Amelia and a Barbie from Fairytopia

We don’t have cable or satellite. We have a TV and a PS3 but can’t afford satellite and cable isn’t available where we are. Movies are a must. Wal-Mart’s $5 bin is a god send. While digging through these movies I came across Barbie and the Magic of Pegasus. I bought it for Amelia, she’s a girly girl, she might like it! “Might.” It’s laughable now. Who knew one movie would set off an entire obsession. One $5 bin movie has turned into my quest to find every Barbie movie I can for the cheapest price possible. She cycles her favorites, but I’ve seen the dozen Barbie movies we have a few thousand times.

Every day I’m subjected to about 3 hours of Barbie. And for some reason, I’ve sat down and watched each movie at least once. I think if I’m going to “watch” these movies over and over again, I might actually bother to WATCH them and know what’s going on. Some of them make me want to pick my brain out through my nose piece by piece, or stick nails in my ears, or scream at the screen why it is so stupid. But, I’ll admit, some of them I actually enjoy. Okay, that’s an exaggeration. I don’t enjoy the actual movies, but some of those songs are pretty darn catchy! “How could I refuse?!” Even John enjoys that one!

Anyway, I digress. In watching all these Barbie movies I have noted some blaringly obvious problems with the plot and characters.

1. In Island Princess, the mother is singing about her plot to take over the kingdom. She mentions that she married an old king, and in less than a week he died. Then she heard the king she is vengeful against had a son, so she “had a daughter right away.” Every.single.time I hear this I want to yell at the screen. The king was dead, how did she get pregnant? How did she pick having a girl? The list of questions goes on…

2. Also in Island Princess, Barbie plays Ro, pronounced Row, a girl who washed ashore an island as a child and was raised by a red panda and a “prince” peacock. It’s like the female version of Tarzan, only whimsical and without apes. Ro has no memory of her past life, yet she grows up pretty darn civilized. HOW? Did I mention she can talk to animals, but not in that Dr. Dolittle sort of way either, just straight up talks English to them and then they "oo oo oo" (monkey) back at her and she understands it....yea...

3. Another problem I have with the same movie, and ALL of the movies, are the animals. They are too smart, they are like little furry people that no one else can understand. I love animals, they can do wonderful things and show great intelligence and compassion, Barbie makes me hate cute little animals.

4. I want to kill Shiver. (re: Barbie and the Magic of Pegasus) A dumb, stupid, little polar bear cub.

5. Barbie is set apart by all other characters by her blonde hair and blue eyes. Even if her mother is depicted with blonde hair, she WILL have different colored eyes! They make sure to show off every other possible hair color, but never a different race, although in Mariposa everyone had poorly done Spanish accents.

6. Back to the Magic of Pegasus, because it showcases it the best; HAIR. What about it? If you’re young you wear your hair down, if you are old it is up, if you are old and evil, your hair is worn up high like a beehive. The difference between Barbie and her mother in that movie? Their faces look IDENTICAL in age, but the mother’s hair is up in a bun. PAY ATTENTION if you watch these movies, all women over 18 have their hair up, even in Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princesses. Back to Pegasus…that woman supposedly had a 17 year old daughter, she was lost, and then they had another daughter, and the story starts out at her at the age of 17. Guessing that the woman was at least 17 when she had her first daughter she should be AT LEAST 51 years old. Same goes for the king. They look 20. I don’t know WHY this bothers me, but it does!

7. They BUTCHERED Rapunzel. Mutilated beyond recognition. I’m sure Disney will have done a better job telling that story through Tangled than Barbie’s Rapunzel and don’t even get me started on Disney…

8. They also ruined Thumbelina even worse than Rapunzel, like, beyond anything you could imagine, I don’t even see what it has to do with anything. It’s like taking Rumpelstiltskin out of Rumpelstiltskin, and maybe calling him Dave.

Maybe I am reading too far into this. Maybe Barbie really is evil. I don’t know. But I know Amelia loves those damned movies and we are all a push over for her happiness.