Barbie Has Plot Holes

I need a back story to accompany this post/rant…

Amelia and a Barbie from Fairytopia

We don’t have cable or satellite. We have a TV and a PS3 but can’t afford satellite and cable isn’t available where we are. Movies are a must. Wal-Mart’s $5 bin is a god send. While digging through these movies I came across Barbie and the Magic of Pegasus. I bought it for Amelia, she’s a girly girl, she might like it! “Might.” It’s laughable now. Who knew one movie would set off an entire obsession. One $5 bin movie has turned into my quest to find every Barbie movie I can for the cheapest price possible. She cycles her favorites, but I’ve seen the dozen Barbie movies we have a few thousand times.

Every day I’m subjected to about 3 hours of Barbie. And for some reason, I’ve sat down and watched each movie at least once. I think if I’m going to “watch” these movies over and over again, I might actually bother to WATCH them and know what’s going on. Some of them make me want to pick my brain out through my nose piece by piece, or stick nails in my ears, or scream at the screen why it is so stupid. But, I’ll admit, some of them I actually enjoy. Okay, that’s an exaggeration. I don’t enjoy the actual movies, but some of those songs are pretty darn catchy! “How could I refuse?!” Even John enjoys that one!

Anyway, I digress. In watching all these Barbie movies I have noted some blaringly obvious problems with the plot and characters.

1. In Island Princess, the mother is singing about her plot to take over the kingdom. She mentions that she married an old king, and in less than a week he died. Then she heard the king she is vengeful against had a son, so she “had a daughter right away.” Every.single.time I hear this I want to yell at the screen. The king was dead, how did she get pregnant? How did she pick having a girl? The list of questions goes on…

2. Also in Island Princess, Barbie plays Ro, pronounced Row, a girl who washed ashore an island as a child and was raised by a red panda and a “prince” peacock. It’s like the female version of Tarzan, only whimsical and without apes. Ro has no memory of her past life, yet she grows up pretty darn civilized. HOW? Did I mention she can talk to animals, but not in that Dr. Dolittle sort of way either, just straight up talks English to them and then they "oo oo oo" (monkey) back at her and she understands it....yea...

3. Another problem I have with the same movie, and ALL of the movies, are the animals. They are too smart, they are like little furry people that no one else can understand. I love animals, they can do wonderful things and show great intelligence and compassion, Barbie makes me hate cute little animals.

4. I want to kill Shiver. (re: Barbie and the Magic of Pegasus) A dumb, stupid, little polar bear cub.

5. Barbie is set apart by all other characters by her blonde hair and blue eyes. Even if her mother is depicted with blonde hair, she WILL have different colored eyes! They make sure to show off every other possible hair color, but never a different race, although in Mariposa everyone had poorly done Spanish accents.

6. Back to the Magic of Pegasus, because it showcases it the best; HAIR. What about it? If you’re young you wear your hair down, if you are old it is up, if you are old and evil, your hair is worn up high like a beehive. The difference between Barbie and her mother in that movie? Their faces look IDENTICAL in age, but the mother’s hair is up in a bun. PAY ATTENTION if you watch these movies, all women over 18 have their hair up, even in Barbie and the 12 Dancing Princesses. Back to Pegasus…that woman supposedly had a 17 year old daughter, she was lost, and then they had another daughter, and the story starts out at her at the age of 17. Guessing that the woman was at least 17 when she had her first daughter she should be AT LEAST 51 years old. Same goes for the king. They look 20. I don’t know WHY this bothers me, but it does!

7. They BUTCHERED Rapunzel. Mutilated beyond recognition. I’m sure Disney will have done a better job telling that story through Tangled than Barbie’s Rapunzel and don’t even get me started on Disney…

8. They also ruined Thumbelina even worse than Rapunzel, like, beyond anything you could imagine, I don’t even see what it has to do with anything. It’s like taking Rumpelstiltskin out of Rumpelstiltskin, and maybe calling him Dave.

Maybe I am reading too far into this. Maybe Barbie really is evil. I don’t know. But I know Amelia loves those damned movies and we are all a push over for her happiness.